What Mothers Need.
Oh I wonder what their first word will be?
Oh my God she said Mama.
Fast forward to 2/3 years of age.
In your head:
Just shut up for a minute.
Jesus what’s with all the questions?
I’m in the middle of something I can’t handle all those questions and concentrate on 4 other things at the same time and come up with answers to all your questions.
Jesus what was I doing there?
Fuck, the potatoes…
Stop asking me stuff I’m trying to remember what I’m suppose to be doing…
And so it continues until the teenage years and then you’re begging them to talk to you.
In the early years you’re kids are going to gyrate on your nerves with the constant babbling and questions and chit chat about nothing in particular. Inside your head where the long To-Do list continual nags at you to get your act together means, the kid banter thing can be, HEADWRECKING.
Headwrecking because that To-Do-list, that’s spins you faster and faster on what I like to call the Parenting Worry-Go-Round makes the multi tasking that we women are normally so good at seem like Mount Everest.
A simple request of “eat your dinner” or “put your shoes on”, or “get dressed” or “don’t do that”, or “stop that”, or “put that down”, or “keep your hands to yourself” turns into
“Please put you shoes on” then turns into
“Put your shoes on now ” which turns into
“Just do as your told”
As you multiple this scenario by 10, inside your head the profanities get stronger and stronger until finally you lose it and start roaring your head off even the neighbours are putting their shoes on.
Kids operate at a slower pace than us adults because they are finding their way. As adults we’ve already lived it, so when we ask them to do things its because we already know the quickest way to get things done and having to repeat a simple request 20 times feels like clutter, clutter, clutter, stress, stress, stress inside our heads and there is only so much those colourful little post-its can hold.
Kids are kids. We too where exactly the same with our parents given the conversations I’ve had with the granny’s who attended the Workshops. The basic evolution is this, kids and men will NEVER change, accepting this makes life much easier. (acceptances is much easier than OVERTHINKING the Whys?)
You can read why I say this about men here and find out how to make accepting this easier inside your head.
With the acceptance that kids will be kids, the only thing left to change is our reaction to the kids stuff. Our reaction is based on how we feel and how we feel is based on how we think so it’s all about the thoughts inside our minds.
Our mind work like this:
How you think the thoughts inside your head is totally responsible for how you feel and how long those feelings affect your humour.
The last part of this sentence “how long those feelings affect your humour.” has a powerful emotional impact on us women because we got THE WOMBS and the HORMONES.
We lie awake at night over thinking, worrying and stressing about stuff and we allow those bad feelings to stay longer within us which means we make ourselves feel bad over and over again about something that happened days, months or even years ago.
We are driving ourselves insane with our own thoughts Ladies and we need to stop this because it gets us no where except the brink of insanity.
As Albert Einstein said :
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results”.
Its time to get the different results and this is done by using the thoughts inside our heads to make ourselves feel good and stop overthinking the bad stuff.
WHAT MOTHERS NEED.
Part of the benefits of having kids is they remind us of what its like to feel young(I’m laughing here because there are times I feel the full wallop of my 43 years). They activate our own youthful blueprints of wonder, curiosity, amazement, fun, simple and carefree living and we can choose to dust these states off and bring them to the forefront of our minds IF we take a leaf out of our kids book.
Instead of rushing around like a blue arsed fly what would happen if we slowed down to their pace?
I hear what you are saying, there’s loads to do, if I don’t get this done and that done then I’ll never be able to sit down and get 5 minutes to myself and I agree.
The reason we don’t get 5 minutes to ourselves is because we are always ticking off the things on our very long list of things we must get done. We are born multitaskers and we are brilliant at it but we need to multitask ME TIME into that long list so we can slow down to their pace and enjoy those youthful blueprints within our minds.
Think about it, the list will always be long. Its never bloody ending, in fairness and we just keep going and going and going until we feel totally wrecked by it all.
Putting yourself first is a tough one for us Mammy’s but if we include ME TIME into the list then the list will actually be easier to get through because we aren’t running on our nerves.
On the days when I’m feeling all “Flagarainary”(myself and the husband coined this term from where, we can’t remember) I think to myself, Jesus I don’t have time to listen to the MP3 today and I lash through the To-Do list feeling the pressure as I work according to the urgency inside my head and by the end of that day I’m dog tired and mentally exhausted.
On the days that I do the ME TIME the urgency feeling inside my head is gone, the multitasking is easier and the slower pace is definitely more productive because I’m not wasting time over thinking and worrying about the things I need to get done. Worrying takes up way too much of our time as John Locke said “What worries you , masters you.” Its true. In this hectic world we over use the parts of our brain that deal with logic, information and decision making. Its go, go, go on a daily basis and coupled with overthinking and worrying which only spins us faster and faster on the Worry-Go-Rounds inside our heads our brains aren’t getting time to rest.
I’m not talking about the falling in to bed exhausted kind of rest. I’m talking about the rest our brains deserve, the rest to do nothing, to think nothing, to be calm inside our heads. This is the ME TIME I’m talking about. Top quality, productive ME TIME and it feels bloody great.
When the kids where younger and broken sleep was a thing, the fact that I knew I had 15 minutes of ME TIME coming my way helped me stay sane.
Nowadays I stick a movie/Netflix on, dish up their favourite crackers and olives(they loves these?!?!) and of course some chocolate, and I happily lie on the couch turn the phone onto Airport mode, press play on my 15 minute MP3 and zone out . Bliss, I tell ya.
If I cant listen to it during the day time then as soon as the husband comes home I’m up that stairs like a hot snot – I’m off to listen to me MP3, dinners in the oven, they can have a flapjack, smell ya later.
Every now and then a little doze might happen and I’m sure this is what is meant by “enjoy the little things in life” and boy did I enjoy them (and milk them!)
I don’t need to use the MP3 everyday because it got easier over time. I trained my brain into this new way of living and its easier. Any kind of “Flagarainary” feeling I know what I need to do, lie down and press PLAY.
I LOVE the simplicity of it. There’s nothing to add to the long list of to-dos inside my head, there’s no prep work, just lie down press play and off I go on my way to calm inside my head. Happy daze all round. This ME TIME allows me to buzz with my kids which makes me feel good, young and alive.
KIDS MAKE US FEEL GOOD
The classic one liners they come out with, makes me belly laugh.
Listening to them play an imaginary game together warms my soul.
Reading their favourite book like they can actually read the words, hilarious.
Watching their little brains figure out a jigsaw, always amazes me.
Asking “what is it?” when they’ve spent a good 10minutes painting a picture and hearing in detail what the picture represents is mind boggling, cause its a mash of brown paint on a page as far as I can see.
The new one for me which brought tears to my eyes is discovering the 5 year old now gets a joke. We laugh our heads off at silly things, we’ve connected on another level that involves humour, it’s a fantastic feeling watching their little personalities blossom.
I love my life and I love my ME TIME.
So the answer I have to all mummy complaints is, invest in yourself. Take some ME TIME because it makes Mammy calmer and happier which makes the whole family happier.
You can buy my MP3’s for €15 here. “Recharge Your Sanity” is the 15minute one I use daily, ENJOY.
Here’s my top 3 tips on how to stop the OVERHTINKING.
1) Once is enough to make yourself feel bad about ANYTHING so stop belittling yourself inside your head and start talking to yourself they way you would to your best mate.
How would it feel if you started to support yourself inside your head with your own thoughts?
2) Do a mind dump before you switch off the light to go to sleep. Post-its and a pen beside your bed, write down whatever comes into your head, full sentences, words, whatever is inside your head driving you insane get it out of your head onto that post-it, scrunch it up and aim it towards the bin. Lights out. Simple as that. Give it a go and see what happens.
3) Shut the fuck up inside your head ladies. There is waaaaayyy to much going on in there and its toooo loud and noisy, its time to slow down your thoughts so you can mind dump the 1000’s of useless thoughts and make room for the thoughts that make you feel good instead.
To help you with this, Download my FREE 5 minute “Sanity Saving” MP3 at www.hipmumsrelax.com.
Its not about not feeling guilty or stress or bad or not having arguments or shouting at the kids, this is real life, for Gods sake.
Its about YOU BEING IN CONTROL of the length of time you allow yourself to feel those negative feelings for.
Remember once is enough to make yourself feel bad about anything.
Think about this the next time you’re giving yourself a hard time inside your head and take some ME TIME and apply the above 3 solutions.
Relax, Recharge, Rethink because it makes family life easier. Best thoughts, Vivienne xxx
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“YOU’RE A PARENT!” WORKSHOPS
If you would like me to teach you Sanity Saving Mind Tools then come along to the workshops I run once a month in Castleknock Hotel, Dublin.
You can book here just select the date you want toc ome along on the calender :
Find out what you’re going to learn at :