At the December Workshop 2016, we had a Dad, a Grandmother, a Mam of 8 week old twins, a best mate and some regulars brushing up on their Sanity Saving Skills. That thing called life happens 24 hours a day so a reminder that we can control our sanity levels using our own thoughts is a must have skill to keep up to date with.
It was the first time I had a Dad attend this Workshop and it cemented my view that in relation to our thoughts processes :
Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.
Ross aka @TheStentedPapa(really good blogs to read) is a Stay At Home Dad (SAHD).
All the girls want an update on your Dog Ross, hows the trigger working? Thanks for the laughs and insights.
Over the last year running HipMums “You’re A Parent!” Workshops I began to wonder why so many women wanted to think like men. Yes you read that correctly! Here are some of the questions that were asked, there were lots more and I seriously began to envy men the longer the list of questions got.
How can they do that? (switch off)
How can they not see that? (the mess)
How can they not feel that? (the guilt)
Why does he do that? (fill in your own blanks here because there was a long, long list)
How can he sleep through that? (again, fill in your own list of blanks here)
Why can’t he change? (The answer is a simple one. Men are from Mars. Acceptance of this is a really useful Sanity Saving Skill for women)
With all these questions in mind and some input from the Mums who attended the Workshops, I made a list because when it comes to these things men really do have some useful ways of thinking about them.
TOP 5 THINGS WERE WOMEN WOULD LIKE TO THINK LIKE MEN
- Sleeping at night (no 3rd bionic ear)
- Parenting guilt
- Worrying/Over thinking
How Our Thoughts Work
Regardless of being male or female heres how our thoughts work:
“How you think, the thoughts inside your head totally dictate how good or bad you feel and how long those feelings stay inside you”
This is important so let me give you an example of how this works.
If you think about something that happened about a month ago that caused you to feel the parenting guilt, you can probably think of something that happen 5 minutes ago but for the purpose of understanding how your thoughts work I’d like you to think about something that happen about a month ago that made you feel that parenting guilt.
As you remember that situation now you can probably see pictures inside your head and hear what was being said at the time and as you think about that situation here and now I bet you can feel that guilty feeling all over again, yeah?
This is OVER THINKING at its best. You remembered something that happened over a month ago the thoughts come to the forefront of your mind and the associated shitty feelings guilt(the biggest one for mammys) make you feel bad all over again.
After doing this exercise at the Workshop , the Dad was the only one who said “Vivienne I don’t feel that?”
(Lucky bastard,I thought to myself)
All the women including the Grandmother, whos kids are all adults now had no problem whatsoever feeling the old shiity guilt feeling.
This proves your thoughts are where its all at because:
“your thoughts totally dictate how good or bad you feel and how long those good or bad feelings stay inside you.”
The last part of that sentence doesn’t affect men simply because men are from Mars.
Dont feel guilt because they don’t over think.
Dont lie awake at night worrying or stressing about something that happened early that day or 2 weeks ago.
Do one thing at a time and EVENTUALLY they get it done.
Don’t see dirt like women see dirt, whether its on the floor, in the car or on a childs face.
They have an innate ability to “Let it go” on all these things.
Women do not “Let it Go” as easily as men, because we are from Venus and we got THE WOMBS and the HORMONES so the last bit of the sentence affects us more than men:
“how long those good or bad feelings affect us/stay inside us.”
We lie awake at night over thinking, worrying and stressing about stuff so we allow those bad feelings to stay longer within us and we make ourselves feel bad again and again about something that happened days, months or even years ago.
We are driving ourselves insane with our own thoughts Ladies. Its the Worry-Go-Round of Madness!
We will NEVER think like them BUT I found a way for us women to think so that we can “Let it Go” like them.
- Once is enough to make yourself feel bad about ANYTHING so stop belittling yourself inside your head and start talking to yourself they way you would to your best mate.
How would it feel if you started to support yourself inside your head with your own thoughts?
- Do a mind dump before you switch off the light to go to sleep. Post-its and a pen beside your bed, write down whatever comes into your head, full sentences, words, whatever is inside your head driving you insane get it out of your head onto that post-it, scrunch it up and aim it towards the bin. Lights out. Simple as that. Give it a go and see what happens, you might find yourself sleeping like a man.
- Shut the fuck up inside your head ladies. There is waaaaayyy to much going on in there and its toooo loud and noisy, its time to slow down your thoughts so you can mind dump the 1000’s of useless thoughts and make room for the thoughts that make you feel good instead.
To help you with this, Download my FREE 5 minute “Sanity Saving” MP3 at www.hipmumsrelax.com.
Its not about not feeling guilty or stress or bad or not having arguments its about YOU BEING IN CONTROL of the length of time you allow yourself to feel those negative feelings for.
Remember once is enough to make yourself feel bad about anything. This is what men do and it works for them.
So I’m thinking like a man in relation to the 5 things on the list because it will make my life easier and I’m all on for the easy life.
Relax, Recharge, Rethink. Best thoughts, Vivienne xxx
QUESTION FOR YOUS
In relation to parenting, what other ways would you like to think like a man?
Leave a comment below and I’ll see if its already on the long list
A quick note on New Years Resolutions
If you’re thinking of making new year resolutions before you put yourself through that negative thought process ask yourself a simple question:
- what was working for me before I ate and drank my face off at Christmas?
You may find that you don’t need to go through that over thinking process and beating yourself up with the guilt and regret. Simply go back to what was working and apply it to where you are now.
- Keep it simple in your mind and be careful how you talk to yourself because you are always listening and reacting according to your thoughts.
You might like to read my 3 key time I listen to my FREE MP3 here:
“YOU’RE A PARENT!” WORKSHOPS
If you would like to increase your mental strength and learn more Sanity Saving Mind Tools then come along to the workshops I run once a month in Castleknock Hotel.
Book the month you’d like to come to the Workshop, from the online calendar here :
Find out what you’re going to learn at :
SOME WORKSHOP REVIEWS
“This was so relaxing and taught me great lessons to remain calm in a very hectic world!”
“If only everyday included a workshop with Vivienne Kerrigan.”
“I will definitely be going back now that I know this level of relaxation exists.”
“A one of a kind workshop, extremely enjoyable & totally relaxing at the same time. Highly recommend.”
” I literally felt like I was wrapped up in a cloud for 2 hours and didn’t really want to come back to earth. “
“It was so relaxing and I am still super chilled 4 days later. Great tools to use on my kids and husband!”
I have linked this post up to :